


bleeding love.

by kaqeyama



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M, Friends With Benefits, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, Kageyama Tobio is a Mess, Mentions of Sex, Oblivious Kageyama Tobio
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:40:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26613844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaqeyama/pseuds/kaqeyama
Summary: friends with benefits will never go right especially if one falls for the other.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio & Reader, Kageyama Tobio/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 35





	bleeding love.

**Author's Note:**

> kageyama x female reader (self-insert)
> 
> angst, heartbreak, college!au haikyuu
> 
> ‹ warning: no honorifics, written in lowercase, reader’s pov, poorly written (unedited) ›

"he’s bad for you,” oikawa slurped his drink, sighing when he sees me shrugging my shoulder. “you should’ve seen this coming. him leaving you, and not returning the feelings.” he continued, shaking his head in disbelief.

“i’m okay,” oikawa laughs at my statement, setting his _coffee_ aside as if he’s initiating a really _serious_ conversation. “really! i am. we’re _best friends with benefits._ no strings attached! i don’t have any feelings for him and i don’t expect anything from tobio as well.”

“you’re a bad liar, even i can tell better lies than you.”

_oikawa’s right_. kageyama _is_ indeed _bad for me_. it was just an innocent kiss when both of us were tipsy during one of the afterparty after karasuno’s last matches. we didn’t talk about the kiss after it happened, _hell_ , it’s like it never happened when we know that the scenario is engraved in both of our minds. it wasn’t long until kageyama and i had our first makeout session when he came over to study for our first mid-term in college.

we had an agreement afterward, _no strings attached,_ and that we’re _strictly only best friends with benefits._ months passed, and whenever we’re frustrated, we would just _do it_. it wasn’t a bother to the both of us in the beginning until he found someone at last, **until i fell for him**.

“when are you going to stop this? he only wants you for your body, not to mention that he’s always flirting with that new classmate of his. do you wanna keep this up? it’s going to destroy you.” oikawa asked, raising both of his eyebrows at me. _i never want to stop._ “i don’t know! soon. as soon as possible. he found someone else, anyway.” and i’m bitter about it. 

oikawa found out about our shenanigans and what we’re doing behind everyone’s back not long ago— it was when kageyama and i were heavily making out in the changing room after a game that involves oikawa himself. thankfully hinata, tsukki, kuroo, and bokuto didn’t catch what we were doing since they entered the changing room right after oikawa.

_and we both sure as hell received a long lecture from oikawa_.

“when was the last time you guys… _you know?_ ” oikawa asked again, interrogating everything out of me. gladly my phone rang, notifying me that kageyama is calling me.

“4 days ago.”

“was it after he thought he sprained his-“

“yes.”

“you both are crazy.”

——————

“you’re late for our study date. where were you?” kageyama grabs my wrist softly, wrapping an arm around my waist.

“i was just out with oikawa,” i sighed, earning a confused look from kageyama. “he was giving me a long lecture about something.”

“are you upset?” kageyama asked while stroking my hair, fixing the hair strands that are covering my face.

_yeah. i am upset._

“no, no. just a bit tired.”

“do you wanna-“

“no, tobio.” i let go of his hug, throwing myself on his bed.

“do you want cuddles and kisses or do you want me to eat you-“

“i want us to stop.”

kageyama was beyond shocked. sitting beside me, he’s trying to look for something in my eyes. _trying to look if i’m being serious or joking._

“you can’t continue fucking me anytime you’re frustrated and i can’t do that to you too, tobio. our whole friendship, or whatever this is, is getting toxic and there’s nothing but us just fucking around. we never talk anymore, we don’t even share our problems with each other anymore and we’re supposed to be _best friends_ remember?” i sighed, standing up to grab a bottle of water on his desk, chugging it. _oh,_ so this is _angry drinking._

_shit, why do i feel like i’m crumbling apart?_

“we’re not committed in a relationship. we’re supposed to be _best friends with benefits_. no strings attached, no feelings towards each other, no nothing. just-“

“and that’s the problem! i didn’t know how wrong it was until oikawa mentioned this to me. until he saw you accompanying someone else and acting like you both are in a relationship. yeah, i would be fine if you do that to someone else because i’ll find out eventually but how about them? how about those people who got feelings for you, tobio? they would be frustrated as hell when they find out that they’re going to date someone who has a _friend with benefits_. that is crazy.”

_like how i’m extremely frustrated right now._

“you like me, don’t you?” kageyama questioned, catching me off of guard, and i stumbled a little backward.

“no.”

“don’t bullshit me.”

“it’s-“

“you can’t like me, Miyu. for fuck’s sake you can’t. we promised this to each other when we started! we agreed not to have feelings for each other.” kageyama groaned, messing with his own hair.

i scoffed, not believing his _logic_ right now.

“you really expect me to have sex with you without having feelings, kageyama? yes, it was a stupid deal between us, but guess what— yes i like you and i fell in too deep. way too deep than what i intended. i wanted this to stop, i wanted us to go back to what we were, just platonic and normal best friends but i know we were already fucked in the beginning. this wasn’t supposed to happen, i wasn’t supposed to love you. this whole thing surely is an accident.” tears are already brimming in my eyes, trying to read kageyama’s facial expression but failing.

“let’s stop here,” kageyama sighed, standing up to approach me. “i’m asking her out tomorrow. let’s stop here.”

i nodded, pushing kageyama who’s near me while i pack my bags. _fuck._ i hate how blurry the world is when we cry. i hate this feeling. _i hate feeling helpless._

“i hope you’re happy with her, and i’m sorry but i really need to go right now. i can’t be anywhere near you. good luck on your studies.”

_we both messed it up._

——————

“hey, Miyu!” bokuto and kuroo waved to me, gesturing me to sit down in their table. i smiled, accepting their offer, bringing my cup of cocoa from the cafe counter and setting it on their table.

“it’s been a long time since we’ve seen you” kuroo stated while high-fiving me as a welcome gesture, bokuto just sipping on his drink and mumbling as an agreement. “well, yeah… it’s been a few weeks” i smiled, nodding my head.

“we haven’t seen you with kageyama as well and whenever we’re having practice matches together, he’s always pissed off. it’s like him in middle school, but college version” i chuckled at bokuto’s words, nervously fiddling with my fingers.

“did something happen?”

“it’s just- we were kind of seeing each other-“

“no shit, it’s oblivious that you guys are doing something behind our backs. it’s like you guys wanna hide it but failed everytime” kuroo laughs, obnoxiously slurping his drink.

“shut up, kuroo. listen to her.”

“we had an argument, well sort of. but, i exploded and confessed that i like him, _i love him_. but he lashed out on me saying that i’m not allowed to have feelings for him since our relationship is supposed to be platonic, that it’s supposed to be _no strings attached._ ” i sighed loudly, gulping on my drink to calm my nerves down.

“shit, you guys were…?” kuroo’s mouth were hanging open in shock, bokuto was the same, but they both are laughing after a few minutes of their _shock_.

“i mean, we also thought you guys were dating. you’re at kageyama’s every games and practice, you weren’t karasuno’s manager but you’re always there for him, and whenever you’re studying and have to manage those council events- he’s always there for you too. even akaashi was shocked that kageyama would show up in exhibitions and events” kuroo shrugged, looking at bokuto after he said that. “i agree. do you remember when atsumu tried to talk to you and get your number?” bokuto asked as i nod my head slowly.

“yeah, kageyama wasn’t too happy with that, he even lectured atsumu about it” my eyes went wide at the new information, and again i was fiddling with my fingers nervously.

“go talk to him, Miyu. he loves you too, you know? he’s just in denial”

————

i’ve been stalling time to meet kageyama. i actually want to meet him, but i’m not ready to face him after confessing to him. not like that.

but here i am, sitting at his bed _again_ while watching him study, which is very rare of him.

“kageyama,” i softly spoke, approaching kageyama and sitting on his desk, “can we talk?” i asked, averting my gaze from him as he smiles.

“no, Miyu. there’s nothing to talk about, it should be me- i should’ve apologized to you weeks ago and i was taking my time but i became frustrated in the end and it affects my play as well.” kageyama stood up, putting one of his hands on my waist and another one holding my hand.

“i agree with you. we can’t keep doing that _thing_ , okay? it’s not healthy for the both of us” stroking his cheek, i finally smiled after saying that to kageyama. finally.

“let’s stop seeing each other, Miyu.”

“w-what?”

“we can’t do this anymore. i can’t see you as often as i used to.”

“ _tobio-_ “

“no, Miyu. listen, both of us were scared. i didn’t want to admit my feelings and i know that you don’t want to admit it too. i was scared that i’d lose my everything, i was scared that i will lose you,” kageyama sighed, standing up afterward, letting go of his hugs. “but at least now i know that i have no feelings for you, Miyu.”

i let out a bitter chuckle, nodding my head slowly as tears are slowly forming in my eyes. “i really thought we could work this out, _tobio._ i really thought being in love with you would be an amazing thing.”

“stop it. i have someone else in mind, Miyu. i’m not planning on to leave her, and i won’t be around for some time. i can’t hurt you.”

“you can’t hurt me? really? because-“

“i’m leaving, Miyu.”

“what? where?”

“i’m going to train overseas for at least 3 months. i’m going with-“

“why didn’t you tell me sooner, kageyama?!” i bursted into tears, grabbing his shirt and pushing him, knowing it won’t even affect him in any kind of way.

“we-“

“no. i don’t need to hear it. thank you, thank you for everything. thank you for making me feel like the happiest person on earth ever since we become friends, but this? this hurts like hell, kageyama.”

“please, don’t love me like that. you deserve better.”

“kageyama-“

“Miyu, leave…”

and with that,

i didn’t know that it would be my last conversation with my best friend which happens to be someone i’m madly in love with.

**Author's Note:**

> aahh this one is badly written as well, but i hope you guys enjoy


End file.
